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A wedding ceremony is both a public and a private event. In your ceremony you bring together family and friends to witness your formal choice of each other as partners. At the same time, the two of you are jointly experiencing one of the most important events of your lives. Most couples who want secular weddings also want to have spiritual ceremonies, so that the experience of getting married reflects their deepest beliefs and the beauty of their relationship. Some want to include particular family or cultural traditions, or to make sure that there is a way for people who are important in their lives to participate. These are all factors that will go into the design of your wedding ceremony. The earlier elements of the ceremony are chosen to bring your guests together as a supporting community. In an interfaith wedding, or one in which different traditions are being acknowledged and incorporated, this is also the time to introduce the traditions and symbols thay you have chosen to include. Then the focus shifts to you. My aim is to help you create, through the words I say to you and those you say to each other, a private space that will nurture your love for each other and help you begin your married life with strong and beautiful memories.

Many couples these days want their vows to express something that is directly meaningful about their relationship and their hopes for the future. Our discussions together can help you to put your thoughts about your vows into perspective. Often couples want their vows to be more personal than in the movies -- to be about them and their future together. My goal )and commitment) is for you to tell me that the ceremony had exactly what you wanted to say to and hear from each other as you take this wonderful step together.

When couples with differing traditions come together, no matter whether those traditions are religious, ethnic or cultural, their wedding provides a special opportunity to consider how those traditions will function in their new lives as a couple. There is no single “best” way for couples to merge their individual traditions; they may seek to jointly share in some of their individual traditions, observe others individually, and leave still others to be only memories. Our planning will help you clarify and refine the choices you have already made. The ceremony will make use of just those traditions that you determine are meaningful for your life together.

We are all so very lucky to have seen the barriers that limit your rights to marry begin to fall. I feel especially privileged to work with gay and lesbian couples. Some of my clients have been totally committed for fifteen or twenty years, and others have children and are obviously building wonderful families. Given how long couples like you were denied (and outside of Massachusetts are still being denied) what other couples take for granted, it is a special thrill for me to be able to assist you with your ceremony. I believe that GLBT marriages are just like straight marriages -- that is, each is unique and wonderful. You deserve to affirm your love and to become (legal) partners in a beautiful ceremony, and I am committed to making that happen for you.

During our work together on your wedding ceremony we reflect on the history of your relationship, on your family and ethnic traditions, and on your hopes and dreams for your life together as a couple. We explore questions such as: What brought you together? What inspires your love for each other? What are the traditions you look forward to bringing forward into your new family? The elements of the ceremony, and the text of your vows, are drawn from whatever sources are most important and meaningful to you. Some couples like to follow the general format of a traditional ceremony that evokes family or cultural memories; some are concerned to draw from their individual backgrounds elements that they can both share; others prefer a ceremony that is uniquely their own, built from thoughts, ideals, memories or favorite texts, overlaid on the foundation of their strong love for each other. We also look at the mechanics of the ceremony — the processional, how people stand, whether it is appropriate to invite family and friends to participate, and what modifications to traditional symbols or decorations would best fit your needs. My primary goal for the process is that the ceremony we develop be a romantic and beautiful memory for you -- and also for your family and friends. I am also committed to making the process be completely stress-free and effortless from you, so that our discussions lead naturally and effortlessly to the beautiful moment when you pledge your vows to each other and become partners in life. <

Couples sometimes ask about premarital counseling. I believe that the best time to develop the skills that make for a strong marriage is before the ceremony. (But please note that this is not my specialization, so these comments are based on my experiences and observations.) Many couples that have been living together for some time believe that they already know how to handle the inevitable frictions and conflicts in a marriage. But it isn't always so easy. The average length of marriages at divorce seems to be someplace between five and ten years, depending on the age of the partners and many other factors. If you could spend a few hours now to help your marriage remain fulfilling well past that average, wouldn't you consider it time well spent? There are many sources for educational programs and individual counseling. I would certainly suggest working with someone with formal training -- many useful links to organizations that train professionals can be found here. If you decide that this is worth exploring, leave yourself some time to explore -- not every form of education or counseling works well for every couple.

 
This wedding is all about you, and I do not impose my beliefs or any special requirements on it. But I’m pleased to introduce myself and tell you a bit about my background and beliefs.

I have ordination as a member of the clergy from two organizations. One is the Humanist Society, the certifying arm of the American Humanist Association. The other is the Leadership Conference of Secular and Humanistic Jews, a branch of Humanistic Judaism. In order to receive ordination I received training in life-cycle ceremonies and in such pastoral duties and education and counseling. The dual certification reflects my interest in my religion, which is Humanism, and in my own culture and background, which are Jewish. There are links elsewhere on the site to information about both organizations.

How do my beliefs influence your wedding? In only one way: Humanists do not believe that it is appropriate to look to a god for our happiness or success. Therefore, it would not be honest for me to bless you or your wedding in the name of a god, or to invoke a god during the ceremony. The ceremonies I develop with my clients are spiritual and beautiful, and both secular and religious client couples have graciously expressed their appreciation in notes that you can find elsewhere on this site.

I hold a doctorate from the Universty of Michigan and have been a university professor, taught high school and worked in high-tech. I served my Town for many yeares as a Trustee of the Public Library and am active in my congregation. I have two (grown) children — and am owned by two cats and a dog. They kindly allow me to perform weddings in the Boston area and throughout New England.