(Stage directions and interpretations of character reactions are parenthesized)
Narration and asides are in italics
[Commentary by the editor is bracketed]
Enjoy!
Crater: (steams)
Midorikawa Hikaru: I didn't believe the rumors at first, but it's true. (His skin is greyish, with darker blotches around his eyes and spiky lilac hair, and he's all in white)
[Heero/Mikage fans: cheer]
Mummy Man: She actually used the Dragon Slave!
White Cloak: She's no amateur magician, I'll say that.
Mummy: (steams. Just to keep crater company. You understand.) She attacked us totally out of the blue. That's how I ended up hurt as bad as I am! (oddly, his ears are undamaged)
(flashback. Boss throws coins, bandits go wild. Teal-haired man with moustache in outfit just like White Cloak's is sneaking. Holds up cup. Coin bounces off the rim. Fireball lands. Carnage. Man calls lightening--"What?!" Lina shows up, cape flaring. "Flare Arrow!" Man panics and tries to run. Is crispified rear first.)
Mummy: It's all her fault I'm such a mess! Ooh, am I gonna pay her back so many times over for this! (many dramatic gestures)
White Cloak: (coolly, hands on hips) In any case, we have to catch up with her. We must retrieve the 'item' she stole from us, (walks off)
Mummy: (continues to steam) Damn her! Oooh, the things I'm going to do to that girl! (laughs maniacally)
White Cloak (his skin is actually sky-colored, so let's call him Blue from now on): (Sweatdrops. Sighs)
Scene: Magic shop. We can tell because of the swinging sign with the 6-point star with a circle at the center. Lina runs up, Gourry following more slowly
Lina: It's a magic shop!
Gourry: Weird looking store.
Display: (sparklies, two goblets, an opaque crystal ball, and what looks like a perfume bladder on a spring)
Lina: It sells magical items. (is plastered to window.) I think I can get some money for my stuff. Okay, now for that treasure from last night. (pulls bag the side of her head out of cloak. There was no room for it. Goes to open door and stops) Wait a minute. If I'm going to sell anything, I can make this worth a lot more. Heh. (looks around, singsongs) Nehnehnehnehnehnehnehneh... That'll do! Gourry, sorry, but can you wait for me somewhere? (runs towards abandoned tower. Please note--we are in the middle of a TOWN.)
Gourry: I guess. Where are you going, Lina?
Lina: (pulls up) Oh, it's Lina now, and not 'little girl'?
Gourry: (sweatdrops) Yeah. If I treat a sorceress who can pull of the Dragon Slave like a kid, who knows what punishment I'll end up eating..
Lina: Oh? So you're treating me like a grownup now? (all smiles) Okay, then wait here while I do a little alteration on my treasure.
Gourry: (also all smiles) Gotcha! Come back soon! We don't know if anyone's still after us!
Lina: Un! See you later. (dashes off)
Tower: (Is dark and stony and abandoned)
Lina: Light of life, brighter than flame, let thy power gather in my hand. (It does, and floats to the ceiling) Now then... (opens cloak, displaying at least thirteen head-sized bags, the statue, and a big dagger with a rock in the sheath.)
Lina: Whoof! This was wearing me down. Gotta sort out the damaged goods... (picks up statue against back drop of cloak's pink lining covered thickly with gold coins and rubies) An orihalcon statue! That's a rare find! (picks up dagger) Not bad, but it looks like there's a weird spell on it. Oh well, I'll sell it cheap at that store.
Lina: Next... (bronze coins) LUCKY! I can sell these to a collector for a lot! (coin has a crouching dragon on it) And the rest are just some ordinary coins and gems. Well, that's all I could expect from those kind of bandits.
Lina: Flawed rubies don't sell for much; I'll have to use a trick to get him to buy them. (sets down red ball. It flashes.) That's north. (positions paper with 6-point star under flash) Now for a flawless ruby. (puts one in center, puts a card on top of it)
Lina: Source of all power, flames that glow red. (red flash, card vanishes. Ruby has 6-point star in circle embedded in it) Magic square, sealed and ready! And now some flawed rubies.
Lina: You who cross between heaven and earth, pass beyond all, evermore. (red flash. Rubies turn to dust. She drops them on ruby. And more. And more...)
Lina: Wears you out.
Meanwhile!
Gourry: (is bored out of his head in magic store. Stretches) Where'd Lina get to?
Lina: (pours liquid on ruby dust) Now then! Infinite earth who supports all life, gently flowing water, come to my hand and give this form. Yes! It worked! Now to just wait! (dust becomes pretty ruby with star) Yosh! A magical amulet of protection, all ready! Now I can sell this for a good price! (chuckles only semi-evilly) No time to laugh. Gotta do 'em all! (flash flash)
Back in store!
Lina: (rushes in past Gourry) All set! All set!
Gourry: Lina?
Lina: (shrieky) Mister! Hey, mister! I'd like to sell these!
Owner: Welcome! Well, let's see what you've got. (examines ruby) Ohhhhh... you made this, didn't you?
Lina: (proudly) Maa, ne!
Gourry: Lina, you can make these, too?
Lina: (un-humble cough)
Owner: You're a good sorceress, aren't you? I'll give you a good price for this.
Lina: (thumbs up) All right! Knew I could count on you, Pops.
Owner: Next... (holds up dagger) This is an unusual piece. Hmm. Seems to have a spell cast on it. Okay, for that... (unsheathes dagger)
Lina: For that?
Owner: (eyes reflected scarily in dagger) I'll take it if you sell me something else.
Lina: (instincts poinging) Oh? What?
Owner: (eyes glowing red) Your lives!
Lina: Eiyii! YiiiIIIIiiiiiIIIya! (blocks dagger with statue) Are you kidding?
Gourry: (freaking out; grabs owner, whose feet do not touch the ground) Stop it! (is thrown on top of Lina)
Lina: (head is smooshed) Get off me!
Gourry: (smooshes her head more) That wasn't just normal strength.
Owner: eheheheheh. (licks blade)
Gourry: What's wrong with him? What's happening?
Lina: (back hurts) It's that knife. (ducks flying cabinet) It has some weird sort of spell on it.
Gourry: (appalled) And you were going to give that dangerous thing away to somebody?
Lina: (eheh) Well, maybe it is my fault. A little. Never mind about that! Let's get outta here! (cabinet landed front of door) ...It's blocked. What do we do now?
Owner: (advances, laughing creepily)
Lina: (sweatdrops) This is NOT good.
Lina and Gourry: (burst out back door. Owner follows, still laughing)
Gourry: (reaches for sword)
Lina: Don't! He's just under the knife's control.
Gourry: K'so... Can't you just cast a spell to make him go to sleep?
Lina: Well I can, but...
Gourry: You don't feel like it, right? So it's either get the knife or nothing.
Lina: (slightly shamefaced) Looks that way.
Gourry: (steely-eyed) Can I do it without hurting him? Hn...
Gourry: ...Run for it!
Lina: WHOA! Hold it! We can't just leave him like this!
Gourry: You did it to him!
Lina: What'll we do?
Owner: (Charge!)
(more revolting knife-licking and maniacal cackling follows)
Commercial break!
Scene: Standoff in the backyard. Owner still chuckling creepily. Owner lashes out with dagger, pretty much at random.
Lina: (wtf?) No choice. Gourry; use your sword. Just take it easy on him.
Gourry: (aw, man!) Aa... (KI OF GOLDEN DOOM!)
Owner: (is thrown back, although Gourry is just standing there) Yargh! You--(eep!)
Wife: (throws open shutters. Is a gravely baritone) Why are you goofing off out there?
Owner: (meep!) Yes, dear!
Wife: I take my eyes off you for a second and you do this! You get back in that store or you'll get no dinner! (Slams shutters. They shatter)
Owner: (kowaiiii!) (dashes back inside, throwing knife back to Lina)
Lina: A wife is stronger than a cursed knife.
Gourry: (sheathes sword) Hnn... The moral of this story, at least.
Scene: On the road. Scrubby territory with pretty sky, flatlands with a distant forest and more distant mountains.
Lina: Well,, we still didn't turn our treasure into money.
Stagecoach: (passes)
Gourry: Guess we'll have to go to the next village.
Lina: (runs around him in a circle) I'm hungry! I want to eat! I'm hungry! I want to eat!
Gourry: Just be patient. (nose in air) There are times you just have to take it like a man.
Lina: (irked) I'm not a man.
Gourry: Aasou.
Scene: river. Contains clear water and two fish.
Lina: (plucks a hair from her fringe, ties it to a stick.) All set.
Gourry: You're pretty resourceful in a pinch.
Lina: I guess. (singsong) Heeere, fishyfishyfishy.. Yosha! (it is a fish)
Campfire: crackles in the dimness
Gourry: (nibbles toasted fish) Mn.
Lina: (SCROMF) Very tasty! (that was in English)
Gourry: (you exasperating child) Look at you. You eat every part of it.
Lina: What's that supposed to mean? You shouldn't waste anything. I'm not saying you should eat the head, but you should eat the guts!
Gourry: Yech. No thanks, I can't eat the guts.
Lina: (annoyed) It's the best part. (SCROMF) See?
Gourry: (that's DISGUSTING) But the guts include the stomach, right?
Lina: (mouth full of fish) Of course.
Gourry: Well you used these for bait. (holds up string bean with eyes on toothpick) So they're in there, too.
Lina: (spews)
Scene: quiet town by moonlight. The houses are out of Dickens, and the streets are neither crowded nor empty. The inn's sign reads either SAHOU or SA1 IOU The two are at a table. It's a sparse spread, for the two of them. The plates look Japanese-style, but they're eating drumsticks.
Gourry: What was that? You used your powers on it?
Lina: Uh-huh. For the fishing. It's (scromf, gulpgulp) Yum!
Gourry: Come on.
Lina: My own original magic spell. (winks)
Gourry: Oh, so you can do little tricks besides (scromf) that overkill Dragon Slave thing.
Lina: Maa ne. (chewing) Even an idiot can learn one trick. You can't be the best without knowing the big and the small spells.
Gourry: (claps hands, evil grin) That's good! Then I guess I can leave those guys to you.
Lina: Eh?
Mummy: (kicks in doors. There are trolls behind him) There. (points) That girl!
Lina: (innocent) Ara! What's going on? My name's Sophia. The girl you're looking for isn't--
Gourry: (eyebrow)
Mummy: Shut up! I don't care what your name is! You're the one who stole all that bandit treasure.
Lina: oops.
Gourry: He's talking about you, right?
Lina: Shut up. Never mind that. We've got these guys to take care of first. (dramatic) All right, then! Let's take it outside!
Mummy: Yiii---(cloak clasp starts flashing. He slumps) No.
Lina: Eh?
Mummy: (clasp continues to flash) Why don't you just give us back what we want, okay?
Lina: Oh, get real! You think you can just bust in here and take whatever you want? You thief.
Gourry: (this crap is unbelievable) You're a thief, too.
Lina: Shut up! I stole it from bad guys, so that makes it all right!
Mummy: Get her!
Troll: Grawr! (lunge at Lina, who dodges them in interesting ways, kicks one in the tail, touches them all with a shiny spell that has no visible effect, and lands next to Gourry)
Gourry: Hey, welcome back
Lina: Hi, honey, I'm home! This is no time for greetings.
Gourry: (damn, this girl is bizarre)
Mummy: Damn! She moves too fast!
Lina: Gourry, can you wound those trolls?
Gourry: (shrugs) Yeah, but trolls heal as soon as you hurt them.
Trolls: (advance)
Lina: (pushing him forward) Never mind, just do it! Any little scratch'll do.
Gourry: (grr) Okay, okay. Any little scratch, huh? (draws acorns like shuriken, then flicks them nonchalantly at trolls)
Trolls: (pause. Are nonplussed)
Mummy: Interesting trick, boy. But you can't beat trolls like that.
Trolls: (all but three vanish)
Mummy: Waugh! What the hell?
Gourry: What's going on?
Lina: I cast a spell on all the trolls I touched before.
Mummy: (has temper tantrum off in the corner while trolls cower)
Lina: It turns their healing power back on itself. In other words, since a troll's healing strength is so great, the power when turned around is enormous. So a small wound will destroy the entire body.
Mummy: (kicks a cowering troll)
Gourry: I dunno what you're talking about, but it works really well.
Kicked troll: (Charge! Pulls the old impale-me-while-I-flatten-you trick)
Gourry: Uh-oh! That's what he was trying to do! Take the sword into his own body and have his buddies finish Lina off while she can't move. Their healing power lets them sacrifice themselves in battle as a tactic.
Troll: RoOaAR!
Lina: Wind, crimson flame, come to my hand and grant me the power of thunder! Digger bolt!
Troll: (is crispy)
Lina: Sorry, but I do better than you.
Mummy: (sweatdrops)
Lina: (cracking knuckles) Now then, shall we get down to business? Source of all power! Crimson fire burning bright!
Mummy: Ghiighii! Fa-fa-fireball! Run! Run!
Mummy and trolls: (exeunt)
Lina: hoo!
Gourry: Don't just go whew! What about that fireball!?
Lina: (giggles, tosses it up)
Gourry: (hits floor) Bakayarou! --Eh?
Lina: (sniggers) It's not a fireball; it's just a light spell.
Gourry: (relieved. Furious) Kids shouldn't play tricks on grownups!
Lina: (sniggers some more)
Innkeeper: What have you done? Look at this place!
Inn: (groans and is crispy and trashed)
Innkeeper: My business is ruined!
Lina: (REMORSE) Yeah... sorry for the trouble. Anou... maybe... (snuggles up to him)
Gourry: (is slack-jawed with disbelief)
Lina: ...Maybe this could make up for it? (confidingly tucks a ruby into Innkeeper's hand) It's the best I can do for you.
Innkeeper: (blushing) Well, that should pay for it. Never mind.
Lina: (jumping girlishly) Lucky!
Gourry: (creeped out) You're quite the actress.
Lina: Oh, you noticed? I thought I was pretty convincing.
Gourry: Yeah. Looking at you from this side gave me the chills.
Lina: (slugs him in the gut) You talk too much.
Scene: An empty hallway of the inn. Behind one of the doors, at a wooden table
Lina: So, the survivors of the bandit gang are still after me. To find me here, they must have used magic.
Gourry: Oh? Can they do that?
Lina: Whatever treasure it is that Mummy Man came to get from me is probably guiding them to us as well.
Gourry: I see.
Lina: Any more questions?
Gourry: (bows) None, teacher!
Lina: Good! Then class is dismissed.
KNOCKNOCK
Lina: Who's there?
Blue: (does not open door) I wish to make a purchase. An item you possess. I'll pay any price you name. (Mummy is standing behind him)
Lina: Who is this guy? You'll have to see the next episode to find out. To be continued!
Gourry: (SD=oh, come on!)
end ep
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