(Stage directions and interpretations of character reactions are parenthesized)
Narration and asides are in italics
[Commentary by the editor is bracketed]
Enjoy!
Lina: I don't buy it.
Blue: But for now I have no intention of harming you. I merely wish to perform a business transaction.
Lina: (SD=exasperated) Do the terms 'for now' and 'intention' change once you're in?
Blue: I suppose saying 'don't worry' would be useless. However, I believe you have a substantial bodyguard in there as well.
Gourry: (impressed) Who's that?
Lina: He means you!
Gourry: (astonished and much distressed)
Lina: I'll warn you now: any funny business, and you'll get a spell attack you won't forget!
Blue: I'll do no such thing.
Lina: We--
Gourry: Oi! You're letting him in?
Lina: Just try to look threatening, Mr. Bodyguard. (moves to window) Okay, Gourry, open the door.
Blue: (Enters. Is SHINY! Well, what we can see of him, anyway. His hair is very shiny, and his eyes are grey, almost black. Except for the matching blotches, his skin is a pale slate-color, only a little bluer than Gourry's eyes, for those of you who find such things significant)
Lina: No, nothing suspicious here.
Mummy: (enters behind Blue.)
Lina: What have we here? It's the mummy man!
Mummy: (outraged) Mummy man?!
Blue: (raises a hand to stop the charge. Is wearing half-gloves now.) Stop! His name is Zolf. He's a responsible servant, which makes him impertinent at times. Please forgive him.
Lina: No problem. I'll just raise the price.
Blue: (resigned) You're a shrewd woman. Now, then, to business.
Lina: You said you wanted something of mine?
Blue: Yes. An item you acquired from the bandits recently.
Lina: And what is this item?
Blue: That I won't say.
Lina: Well, then, I guess the transaction's cancelled.
Blue: Wait. If I started off by saying 'I want that particular item,' you might overcharge me. You may not wish to part with it out of curiosity.
Lina: Well, excuuuuse me! --But you're right about that.
Blue: Show me the items you acquired in the raid and name your prices. Then I'll tell you which one I want.
Gourry: (looks suspicious)
Lina: You don't seem to be one of the bandits. So why?
Blue: To find that item, I dispatched many of my minions to search. Then Zolf infiltrated the bandits and stumbled across it. But just as he was ready to take the item out of there.
Lina: (WAY too happy) I showed up, right?
Blue: As you say.
Lina: Stealing from thieves, that's pretty low.
Blue: Look who's talking!
Lina: (KYAhehe!) M-maa! Now I understand the circumstances. Anyway, let's run through the inventory of what I took. There's the orihalcon statue, the enchanted knife, and the old coins. Can we leave out the gems?
Blue: (nods)
Lina: Well, now. Let's start with the enchanted knife. Okay, let's see... (flashback) The price for it... is twelve--
Blue: Oh.
Lina: --Million.
Men: (facevault)
Lina: What's with that reaction? Men have no balls at all! You said I could set the price! It's only 100 times the street value! Come on, come on! Quit beefing and pay up!
Blue: (sweatdrop; is realizing what he's gotten himself into) I see. I was expecting her to charge only two or three times the street price. (Stygian gloom forlorn.)
Lina: Now, for the statue, I'll charge you... thirty million!
Men: (choke)
Blue: For that price you can buy a castle from a prince! On prime real estate, fully furnished (dramatic) WITH the servants included! (from this rant, I'm guessing his age at about 17)
Lina: (soft and girly) A castle? (daydream: Lina with hair down in white ball gown with shoujo bubbles and sparklies) Gnahaha. When you think about it, that price is kinda steep. How about I cut it in half?
Blue: (chokes) Just half?! (has a headache) Are you joking?
Mummy/Zolf: You little brat! Make fools of us, will you?
Lina: Brat? A third-rate wizard who can't tell the difference between a light spell and a fireball has no business calling ME a brat!
Zolf: Third-rate wizard?! --What? Wait, that was a light spell?
Lina: Third-rate-san figures it out.
Zolf: You're the most impertinent brat I've ever--
Blue: Zolf! Enough. How about 100,000 up front with the rest to be paid later?
Lina: Impossible.
Blue: I have one last offer. Won't you join us? In six months we can give you two or even three times your price.
Gourry and Zolf: (collapse against each other)
Gourry: 90 million?!
Lina: I see you want it badly. It must have one hell of a hidden value. The thing is, I really can't say I'd feel comfortable hanging out with your type. I don't have logic to guide me. Just call it woman's intuition.
Blue: Hou?
Lina: And this woman's intuition tells her that you're the type I'd rather die than join.
Blue: (subtle flinch)
['Blue's' fangirls: GROWWWWWL]
Zolf and Gourry: (sweatdrop)
Lina: (sorry. That's how it is)
Blue: (level voice) Then you're breaking off our negotiations. That's a pity.
Lina: Yeah, ain't it a shame?
Blue: As promised, I will retreat quietly for today. But I will take the item from you by force. (tosses cloak back dramatically) Tomorrow morning, the moment you step outside this inn, we will be deadly enemies.
Lina: (nods with grim smile)
Blue: Let's go, Zolf.
Zolf: Whaa? But--!
Blue: (stomps out with Zolf behind him) Sou, sou. My name is Zelgadis.
[Zel's fangirls: The name's Greyweir. Zel Greyweir. Waaaaai!]
[Nightfall: (gets stomped by purists) Listen, when you ladies can decide whether it's Greywolf or Greywords, then we'll talk, okay? Ow!]
Lina: I'll remember it!
Door: (closes)
Lina: They're gone.
Gourry: Why did you set those ridiculous prices?
Lina: And if I'd played along and sold it to them, would you have respected me?
Gourry: But won't they come after us now?
Lina: I know his type. If he said he'll wait till morning, he'll wait.
[Zel's fangirls: nod vigorously]
Gourry: (skeptical) Is that your 'woman's intuition'?
Lina: Maa, ne. (sits on bed, starts to remove boots, freezes)
Gourry: Huh? (blinkblink)
Lina: Haihaihai! I'm hitting the sack now. Go to your own room!
Gourry: Oi!
Lina: Ja ne! Good night!
Gourry: Ch'! I don't understand girls at all.
Scene: Morning on the road.
Gourry: They said we'd be enemies after we left the inn this morning.
Lina: Yeah, I guess so.
Gourry: If you think while you're walking, you'll trip.
[All but Gourry's fen: don't judge other people by yourself!]
Lina: Leave me alone. Now, what is it they're after? I keep turning it over in my head. I think...
Lina and Gourry: (hitch a ride on haystack)
Lina...It's either the knife or the statue. Excluding the coins, they're the only things left. The question is, which one?
Gourry: Do you know?
Lina (takes them out): Not really. The one he wants must have some kind of spell on it. (casts spell. No apparent effect) Hmmm. The knife has a cheap spell on it to make it sharper, but it could be used as a beacon. As for the statue, the orihalcon metal is sealing in some magical power. But that could also be so it can be used as a beacon. For example, if you were traveling on the Astral Plane, this metal could guide your spirit back and--ah?
Gourry: SRRRRZ
Lina: (ATTACK!) Don't fall asleep when I'm being serious!
Gourry: What? Was I asleep? (omfg, I thought I was gonna die!)
Lina: Did you understand what I said?
Gourry: (is all serious) Not a word.
Lina: (sighs) Anyway, this can be used as a beacon.
Gourry: Well, assuming they're after it, is it really worth that much?
Lina: (has a headache) That's the question. They were willing to pay a lot for it.
(Back on foot)
Lina: But why are they so obsessed with this thing? It must hide some sort of a secret.
Gourry: Himitsu desu...?
[Xelfans: SQUEEEEEEEE!]
Lina: If I knew that, where would the challenge be? One more thing. They must be waiting to ambush us, since the best place to do that would be right here!
Gourry: (rolls eyes heavenward) And knowing that, we still go forward.
Berserkers: (hide marginally better than the bandits did. Are at least better camouflaged, anyway.)
Gourry: (not terribly upset) Just as we suspected.
Lina: So they think they can get us with all these Berserkers?
Berserkers: (Charge!) DAAAAA!
Gourry: That'd be a safe bet. (both draw, back to back)
There is fighting. Gourry's sword gets lodged in a tree. There is a moment of shock before he bisects the tree and continues fighting, Lina fireballs and then stomps on Berserkers' heads.
Gourry: Dragon Spooker, huh?
Lina: (casts more magic, but Berserker sneaks up behind her and--)
Scene: Lying in the bright sunshine on a flowery hill.
Lina: Ah, the sun's so warm today!
Scroll up: We have a Horde down. Repeat, we have a Horde down. Gourry is at the top of the hill, panting and leaning on his sword. It really is a nice day.
Gourry: Now, look, Lina. Don't you feel sorta silly letting people fight your battles for you?
Berserker: (sneaks up behind him)
Gourry: (backwards punch. KO's berserker without so much as a glance)
Lina: (not sorry) Sorry, sorry! But I did fight a little!
Gourry: At first, and then left me to handle the rest!
Scroll down: many, MANY dead Berserkers.
Lina: Well, you may have a point there.
Gourry: (so far in disbelief he has to laugh) Now, listen!
Lina: Just let me rest a while longer.
Gourry: If we don't make it to the next village before sunset, we'll be easy pickings for them. Let's go.
Lina: A little longer. It's so nice and warm here.
Gourry: (stern) Would you cut it out? (hauls her up by arm)
Lina: agk! (painsweat, curls up around a dark blotch on her tunic)
Gourry: (lets go like he's been burned) Lina! Are you hurt?
Lina: I just ate a little too much.
Gourry: But you're bleeding!
Lina: I'm all right. It's just I'm casting a healing spell. If we wait just a little while, I'll be good as new.
Gourry: (feels like a dog) They got you early on. And you still fought, even when you needed to recover. I'm sorry. I misjudged you.
Lina: It's okay; I'll be okay in a few minutes, so just rest--eh?
Gourry: (scoops her up)
Lina: Hey! What are you doing?
Gourry: I'm carrying you. You're in no condition to walk, right?
Lina: (totally embarrassed) I said I was fine! This won't be a picnic for you, either!
Gourry: (niceguy!grin) Grandma always said I should be nice to girls. (stern) And we have to get to the village before sunset.
Lina: (tantrum: No! Not all the way there! I don't want people to see me like this!
Gourry: Stop! Would you hold still? This is embarrassing!
Lina: Stop! Lemme down!
Gourry: Just be a good girl.
Scene: Night. A village with conifers and thatched roofs. Bulky bipeds slip past a corner. Lina is grousing in bed with the covers pulled up to her nose.
Lina: Stupid Gourry. Nice guy, but god he's dense! (Sits up)
Boots: (approach)
Floorboards (creak)
Feet: (following boots. Are green and clawed)
Senior Merc with trolls: (Bursts into empty room.)
Senior: Where is she?
Lina: Right here! (is sitting on door. Comes down. Hands glow)
Senior: Fireball?
Lina: You got it! (closes door. BOOM!)
Gourry: (rushing up) What happened?
Lina: Bad guys.
Gourry: Did you get 'em?
Lina: Dunno.
Gourry: (are you kidding?) You don't know?
Lina: Well, a direct hit from my fireballs might melt iron, but...
Troll: (bursts out)
Gourry: (smacks it)
Lina: A troll! Not good!
Senior: (blocks Gourry's sword) Are you with her, boy?
Gourry: Not bad, old man.
Senior: What? You shouldn't underestimate your elders.
(more fighting)
Lina: I'll cover you.
Gourry: Fine, but nothing else.
Lina: I thought you'd be grateful for it.
Red sparklies!
Trolls and Senior: (go to sleep standing up)
Gourry: What happened to them?
Lina: It's a mind control spell!
Gourry: Did you do it?
Lina: No way! I mean, it's an easy spell, but who could do it to so many at once?
Voice actor Koyasu Takehito: Midnight visitors can be a nuisance, can't they?
[Touga/Zechs fans: Melt]
Lina: Who are you?
Koyasu-san: Seeing these suspicious fellows skulking about at night, I couldnąt help but stick my nose in here. (Black boots, red cape, slate-colored epaulettes, TALL, dark cloak-counterweight with a simple pattern under a green and pink cloak-clasp, a long, pale, dignified face with closed eyes--and wings of fuscia hair)
Gourry: (to Lina) Kinda like you.
Lina: Give it a rest! (To Red Priest) Thanks a lot! I assume you've put the other people staying here to sleep.
Red Priest: You could tell?
Lina: Well, considering all the ruckus in here, and that no one else came in to check it out.
Red Priest: It avoids the nuisance of having to deal with people who have no connection to this. (snaps fingers)
Senior Merc: (lurches out, followed by trolls)
Red Priest: They were apparently sent by Zelgadis.
Lina: You know him?
Red Priest: Yes. He is my enemy. He is attempting to resurrect Shabranigdo, the Dark Lord.
Lina: Shabranigdo? The Dark Lord? Resurrect him?!
Red Priest: Without a doubt. Zelgadis is a mixture of human, golem, and demon. A creation of utter evil.
[Zelfans: grrrrrr]
Red Priest: He wishes to revive the Dark Lord and destroy the world.
Lina: Why would he do something stupid like that?
Red Priest: (spreads hands) That I still cannot guess. But he is now your enemy as well as mine. I am but a humble priest.
[Nightfall: Humble my ass, Re-chan. Stop smirking.]
Red Priest: But I cannot overlook this evil ambition to revive the Dark Lord.
Lina: I guess. But--
Red Priest: Zelgadis is after the key to its revival, which fate has placed into your hands. To recover it, he will surround you with enemies.
Lina: Key...
Red Priest: (gently) Why don't you give it to me? Then you can spare yourselves all this trouble. (continues to smirk--I mean, 'smile modestly' like someone who does not understand the word 'expression.')
Lina: But if I did that, you'd have to fight them alone!
Red Priest: Do not concern yourselves. They are formidable enemies, but I, Rezo, should be able to take care of them.
Lina: Rezo?! I thought it was you! One of the five wise men of the age! Rezo, the Red Priest!
Rezo: (almost manages modest) That is a name they sometimes call me.
Lina: (fangirls like crazy!)
Gourry: (looks like an anteater) He's famous?
Lina: (SD=annoyed) Any five-year-old knows who he is! I'll explain later. Houshi-sama, I'd like to hold onto this key.
Rezo: But--
Lina: I can't back out of this after hearing the Dark Lord is being revived!
Rezo: I'm grateful for your concern, but--
Lina: They don't know yet that we've made contact. If we keep the key, they'll attack us again.
Rezo: (is either considering it or kinda pissed)
Lina: When that happens, you can sweep in to help us defeat them.
Rezo: That will be dangerous! I should be the decoy.
Lina: Houshi-sama, please! You must trust me.
Rezo: ...Very well. (pads out) Time which has passed, be called back once more.
Lina: What are you--
Rezo: (glowy spell)
Trashed inn room: (is briefly bright)
Rezo: From tomorrow on, I will support you from the shadows. Until next time. (exits)
Gourry: So, what'd he do? Nothing's changed.
Lina: (pushes him aside. The room is in perfect condition) Man, is he good.
Gourry: Why?
Lina: This was the room I threw my fireball into.
Gourry: So?
Lina: Never mind. I'm going to bed. (heads off down hall)
Gourry: Oi! Where are you going? Hey, this is my room!
Lina: (plunks down on floor) They'll probably try to attack my room again, right?
Gourry: Well, at least take the bed. I'll sleep on the floor.
Lina: (kinda sulky) But I don't want to be a bother.
Gourry: (fond smile) Hai, hai. (plunks down on other side of bed)
Lina: Why won't you sleep on the bed?
Gourry: What kind of man can sleep in a bed when there's a girl who has to sleep on the floor? (yawns, snores)
Lina: (smiles, settles in.) 'Akahoushi Rezo, who clothes himself in the robes of the priesthood, and carries all the respect of the Great Shrine, who travels through all lands helping people, one of the five wise men of the age. But unlike all the others, he's been blind since birth. And another thing--his name sounds like it should be for a villain.)
Rezo: (minifacevault)
Lina: 'And then there's Shabranigdo. The lord of all mazoku in the world. Ruby-Eye Shabranigdo. If I accept what Rezo the Red Priest told me about him, then who is this Zelgadis, really? To be continued!'
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