(Stage directions and interpretations of character reactions are parenthesized)
Narration and asides are in italics
[Commentary by the editor is bracketed]
Enjoy!
Scene: Inn's common room. They're eating a steak dinner with forks, and there are rolls and a salad bowl on the table.
Lina: (slams fist with fork on table) Gourry! You really don't know anything about Shabranigdo?
Gourry: (makes a HUGE production out of thinking really hard, looks up with guileless grey eyes) ...Not a thing.
Lina: (minivault)
Gourry: (diligently dissects steak)
Lina: The legend of Shabranigdo is so famous I thought everyone knew it, not just wizards and priests. (sigh)
Gourry: (is very happy with steak)
Lina: Okay, I'll start from the beginning. You think you can listen to me while I tell an old story?
Gourry: Sure, sure. (attacks salad)
Lina; (sad and mournful) What's the point? I doubt he'll even understand it.
Gourry: (attentive) Go ahead.
Lina: According to the legend, long, long ago, the world we live on was thrust onto a great staff. The world exists on top of it, smooth and round, like...
Lina: (picks up fried egg on fork and holds it up, sunny side down) Take this egg on the end of my fork. Try and think of it like that. Around the edge of the world, two groups waged an ancient battle. One was the race of mazoku. The other was the race of kami. (but the picture is of a dragon) Leading them were Shabranigdo, the Dark Lord (red-eyed snaggle-toothed hydra with blue light in its tonsils) and Ceiphied, the Dragon God. (blurred impression of wings and talons. The two shoot red and white light, creating a flare)
Lina: The war raged for hundreds, for thousands of years. Finally, Ceiphied was able to break Shabranigdo into seven parts. And then he sealed them somewhere on our world.
Gourry: (chew chew, but is wide-eyed) So Ceiphied beat him?
Lina: No, only imprisoned him.
Gourry: You said he was split into seven pieces! (gestures sweepingly with fork)
Lina: That doesn't matter to a mazoku. And although Ceiphied imprisoned him, it took all of his strength to do it.
Gourry: (attention is divided between Lina and the plate) Ararara.
Lina: And then, a thousand years ago,
[Lei Magnus: Hi there! I'm a crimson-eyed bishi vamp!]
Lina: One of the seven pieces of Shabranigdo was reborn. Although one piece remaining of Ceiphied defeated him with the help of the Water Dragon King, his body was sealed in the earth.
[Lei: My hair was down to my knees, and--
Rezo: And your robes had petticoats. Am still the prettiest.]
Gourry: (solemn) A meaningless battle.
Lina: The power of these two beings competes savagely. But the balance of peace in this world was broken. And so monsters began appearing in this world. (flash of orc-looking things)
Gourry: ooooh.
Lina: You understand?
Gourry: (upright and serious) Not at all!
Lina: (facevault) Why am I not surprised?
Gourry: But I do understand that Shabra-whatsis is the head bad guy.
Lina: Well, understanding that is pretty impressive for you. (grim) Maou Shabranigdo... I don't know the true extent of his power, but I'll bet anything he'll be nothing but trouble.
Gourry: (reaches across table to steal her sausage)
Lina: (astonished and wounded) Huh? That's my sausage.
Gourry: Iaaa! You were just staring into space, so I thought you didn't want it.
Lina: (outraged) Well, I did! Never steal somebody else's food! (lunges across the table to stuff his food in her face)
Gourry: Uhh?! Lina! I didn't take that many from you!
Lina: (scromf scromf scromf)
Gourry: Cut it out!
Lina: (brightly) Just teaching you a lesson.
Gourry: (protesting) You've always got an angle.
Lina: Anyway, maybe the explanation was a little too simple, but do you understand a bit about the Shabranigdo legend?
Gourry: Aa. So that Zelga-whatsis guy wants to bring one of the seven pieces of Shabranigdo back to life?
Lina: Yeah, that's pretty much it. If we take what the man claiming to be Akahoushi Rezo said as the truth. Even if we still don't know if he really was the Red Priest, he's someone to be reckoned with.
Gourry: Come to think of it, you didn't seem to trust that Rezo guy.
Lina: (stands, moves to window. It's bright out.) We don't have any proof that he is the real Rezo. He could just be calling himself Rezo. The guy's practically a legend. Somebody may be impersonating him. And nobody's heard from him in ten years.
Gourry: He could be one of Zelga-whatsis's men sent to get in close to us.
Lina: Exactly. Well, he may be a fake, but he's not your run of the mill magic user.
Gourry: (very blond) Nothing but questions from these guys. (gasps) Wait! Does this mean you can trust me?
Lina: (matter-of-fact) Maybe I don't trust you.
Gourry: (appalled) Damn, these guys are nasty!
Lina: Just kidding. I happen to be a pretty good judge of character --eh?
Gourry: (walks up to rustle her hair) Thanks, Lina.
Lina: (perplexed affection) I'm so used to him treating me like a kid, I don't mind it anymore.
Scene: a glowing crystal ball on a red cushion on a small, purple-covered table in a Great Hall made out of stone
Zolf: You who sail the seas of the Astral Plane, revel these shadows to me. It still doesn't work. What's wrong?
Zel: (entering with swishy cape) Well? Still no sign of the item?
Zolf: Zelgadis-sama. Hai. The crystal ball hasn't located it since last night.
Zel: Nn. The girl couldn't have lost it between yesterday and today. Is something interfering with us? (lowers facemask to reveal a face which is very acceptable, for those who can ignore blue, pebbly skin and a cold smirk)
[Zelfans: Geez, who couldn't???! Zel-sama, wai!]
Zel: Yosh! Zolf! There's a slight chance. Try to check the crystal ball to find it one more time. We'll try bargaining with her once more.
Zolf: Huh!
Zel: (Strides out. We see that there are two raised circles of stone brick on the floor surrounding the table, like ripples.)
Scene: Blue sky, winding path through conifer forest.
Lina: (yawns) I'm getting kinda bored just looking at trees all the time.
Gourry: Can't help you there. The best route to Atlas City is through these woods.
Lina: Ne, Gourry.
Gourry: Aa?
Lina: Remember how I said I thought those guys last night would attack again?
Gourry: Mm.
Lina: (hates this) Look, I'm not going to have my powers for the next few days, so I'm going to be sticking close to you when we fight.
Gourry: You can't use magic?!
Lina: ...Okay, look. (points at Gourry, who recoils) Source of all power--(snaps. Nothing happens.)
Gourry: (blinkblink) The sky? (looks around)
Lina: See?
Gourry: You've completely lost your powers?
Lina: I think I won't be able to cast anything but Lighting for the next two or three days.
Gourry: Mm. That time of the month, huh?
Lina: (Whaaaat?!) Hold it, Gourry!
Gourry: (wisely) The time of the month girls don't like to talk about. When priestesses and sorceresses start losing their powers. (is conked by rock)
Lina: (ATTACK!) How does a guy with the brains of a jellyfish and the brawn of a troll know about 'that time of the month'?
Gourry: (unimpressed by the sorceress holding herself up by his T-shirt) What do you mean, brains of a jellyfish and brawn of a troll?
Lina: Well, that describes us both, doesn't it? (back in threat-mode) So, how do you know?
Gourry: It's not a big deal. (Lina dismounts) When I was a kid, there was a woman nearby who'd tell fortunes. (sits) On some days of the month she'd have to close her shop. When I asked her why she did it, she told me, 'it's that time of the month.'
Lina: (is looking around)
Gourry: What, does 'that time of the month' mean something special?
Lina: (sudden panic) Anou ne!
Gourry: (smirks at camera) Well, I'd say we'd better cut the gags for this episode. Looks like it's time to get serious.
(Cut to a grey boot, a hundred meters or so in front of them)
Zel: (They call me a villain, but look how heroically I pose without even trying)
Commercial break
Lina: It's him.
Gourry: So, you've decided to quit playing around and show yourself. Eh, Zeigaldis?
Lina: Er.
Zel: (intense) My name is ZELGADIS!
Lina: What he said.
Gourry: Aa sou.
Zel: (grr) Anyway, I want the item! If you have some objection to that, (hand on hilt. It's a gold hilt with an acorn-shaped ruby on the end. At least a hand-and-a-half sword) then I will take it from you by force. So, which would you prefer? Choose!
[Non-Zelfans: ..this is negotiation?]
Green wolf-man: I'd think carefully before I'd answer. (is resting on a nearby tree, in a blue tunic with basic gold trim on basic leather shoulderguards)
Lina: A werewolf...
Wolf: (chuckles evilly, swaggers up to stand next to Zel. Is slightly bowlegged)
Lina: Looks like you've got troll and wolf blood in you. I'm not even going to ask about that ridiculous leather armor.
Wolf: So, all we haveta do is get the orihalcon statue from her. Right, Zelgadis-san?
Zel: (...Hates. The Dumbass.) Dilgear!
Dilgear: Giku! (Plasters hands over mouth like an incredibly girly-wolf) Oh, yeah, you said not to tell them anything. Well, it doesn't matter. They're both gonna die here!
Lina: (quiet facepalm) You're really one to talk! (flips hair, points with hand on hip) Look, I don't know exactly how tough you are, but you don't want to get on my bad side!
Dilgear: Oh, the little lady's got spunk. Okay, let's see what you're made of!
Lina: All right, but you're not gonna like it after I win. I'll take you both on by myself!
Zel: (is kinda impressed by the spunky cuteness)
Lina: (Raises hands as though to cast) Goooooooooo get 'em, Gourry!
Men: (facevault)
Gourry: (getting up) Now, wait a minute!
Lina; (annoyed) What?
Gourry: (I'm just asking here) Have you no shame?
Senior: Hold it, you two! (steps into the clearing) Nothing to worry about. (has an ax) I'M here, now!
(flashback to his fight with Gourry)
Lina: The guy from last night! (pushes Gourry forward by the butt) Hey, three against one isn't fair!
Senior: I don't know what you did to me last night, but today's gonna be different!
Gourry: (quietly freaking)
Lina: He isn't kidding. Oh, man, are we gonna have to turn tail and run?
Zel: Are you ready? Let's go.
(Midorikawa fans: OMAE O KORUSU!)
Zel: FLARE ARROW!
Lina and Gourry: (duck)
Flare Arrow: BOOM.
Dilgear and Senior: (ATTACK!)
Gourry: (meep!)(blocks) Lina...
Lina: (is running. Zel's behind her. She turns for a stand and blocks him)
Zel: Allow me--to test your skill! (clang clang)
Lina: Heavy! (slugs him in the gut and runs)
Zel: (personally offended) You flee?!
Lina: (sheathing as she runs) He's good. I'm gonna need Gourry to back me up against him.
Zel: (passes her, too fast to see, and knees her a good one)
Lina: Waau--! (tears up, gasps, is flung against tree, slides down it clutching her middle) and coughing. Falls on face)
[Female fans: Plus cramps. Owwwwww...]
Zel: (approaches. If a face ever read monotone, it's this one)
Lina: (continues to cough, stands)
Zel: (cautious, but unimpressed)
Lina: (beseeching expression, astonished voice) You're supposed to (coff) take it easy on girls!
Zel: (mini-sweatdrop) If you'd just handed over the statue quietly, I wouldn't have had to do that. (approaches) So, in the end, (reaches out to tilt her chin up) this is all you are. (releases her with a flip of contempt) Saa. Hand over the statue.
Lina: (wounded bird) Source of all power, light which burns beyond crimson flame, let thy power gather in my hand!
Zel: (leans in with adorable what's-she-doing look)
Lina: (looks up) LIGHTING!
Zel: (clutching his eyes) Aaaaaagh!
Scene: Winding path through deciduous trees. Lina is running
Lina: I may be able to pull off the light spell, but he's not going to fall for that again!
Scene: Back at the clearing. Gourry is fighting)
Senior: You're pretty good, holding us both off!
Gourry: (is having a bad day) Thanks a lot!
Dilgear: Look, we're just after the girl. Stay out of our way and you won't get hurt.
Gourry: (is affronted. Senior comes up behind him. With ax)
Dilgear: Don't be impatient. Right now our leader Zelgadis is probably... (slit-throat gesture)
Gourry: (sweating) Lina.
Scene: Tall grass. Like, REALLY tall grass. Lina is running.
Lina: I don't know if my sword'll work on that stone skin of his. I have to find some way to lose him!
(Grass opens out onto a lake's beach)
Lina: Shimatta! There's no place for me to hide here!
(She turns, and there's Zel's eyes. Hey, look, you can see their color for once! Dark grey)
Zel: (Intent, but totally unimpressed. It's kind of a 'and where have you been, young lady, I told you to be home by eleven' look.)
Lina: Uhoh! Sink or swim time. (clasps hand) Source of all power, wind which blows to the East! FLAAARE ARROW!)
Flare Arrow: (Fizzles out an inch from Zel's face)
Zel: ...(Gimme a break.) What was that about?
Lina: I think I'm sunk! Better run. (runs)
Zel: (this is cool, you'll like this) (throws green light at her)
Lina: I can't move! (There's a dagger in her shadow) A shadow snap!
Zel: (approaches, arms still crossed)I've caught your shadow. Can't move, can you?
Lina: (grim grin) I know this one... and it's weakness. It's weakness is light! (makes light, shadow vanishes) Yosh! (Somersaults, but Zel is right there. He will never look taller than this)
Zel: (smirks) Mono Bolt!
Lina: (gasps)
Zel: (puts his hand down on Lina's shoulder and she is electrified)
Lina: AAAAAaAH!
Zel: (is smiling. Wide)
[Xelfans: (raise collective eyebrow)]
Lina: (blacks out)
Zel: (Yes. Despite my hourglass figure, I am indeed a man. Thankyouverymuch.) Hn. And in the end, I make it mine. (sighs, looks put upon, sets off a flare. Smiles in satisfaction)
[Nightfall: ...you know, I think that's the only time I've actually see him look like Rezo...)
Scene: Back in the clearing. Everyone has noticed the flare
Dilgear: Looks like he did it!
Scene: Back at the beach
Zel: (eventually stops congratulating himself and looks down at Lina)
Lina: Whoa, hold everything! This is no time for me to be lying down on the job! Snap out of it, Lina Inverse!
end episode