Warnings for intimations of torture and the wholesale slaughter of chickens.

"Ahhhhhh. Not up to your usual standards, darling minion."

"No, Master, I regret to agree that it wasn't. May I have your permission to lull the chickens into a false sense of security? I think they're catching on."

"...You think the chickens are catching on."

"Yes, Master."

"The birds."

"Yes, Master."

"I mean, the things with the brains the size of chickpeas."

"Yes, Master."

"In point of fact, the birdbrains."

"Exactly, Master."

"..."

"What can I say, Master? In times of adversity, those who can learn and adapt survive. And as your right hand, I hope I may be forgiven for priding myself on being an apt tool of adversity."

"Hmm. You may have a point."

"Thank you, Master. I'll allocate a portion of the budget to dog food until they've stopped panicking at my scent."

Oh please oh please oh please don't remember chickens have no sense of smell...

"Very well. Ask Luna-chan if she can reccomend a vendor, next time you have the chance. I don't want my lovelies eating glue. And make sure it's lean, will you, darling? I'm afraid one or two of them are getting a trifle pudgy."

"Certainly, Master; I'll take care of it today."

HA! Take that, Fenris. Kibble for you until you learn to leave my boots alone! DRY kibble!

"Now, what do we have scheduled for today? Any new business?"

"No, Master, events are proceeding according to our projections. Did you want me to spend today with the Inverse girl or working on the inventory or working on the draconic problem or the Gaav problem or something else? Because Mr. Greyweir stumbles downstairs very early in the morning, and if you want me to spend the day with Miss Inverse I should join them before he gets up."

"...Stumbles, Xellos?"

"Well, you see, Master, what with Miss Inverse's temper tantrums and the little Princess's various personality quirks and, if I may so flatter myself, my own efforts, he doubtless feels it wise to be fully caffeinated before anyone else wakes up."

"...And you wish to foil this attempt?"

Oh, baby, yeah. You can get a lot of flirting in before he wakes up enough to punch you.

"It's an exercise of increasing returns for minimal effort, Master. When he wakes up after anyone but the swordsman, it puts him in a bad mood at least until lunch, and he does the most delicious spirals. And also, the more often it happens, the worse the initial mood."

"I see. I have a question for you, my minion."

"Yes, Master?"

"How do you survive on just breakfast and the dregs of annoyance you can evoke in them? Your low maintenance is one of your more desirable traits as my servant, but I confess I don't understand it."

"Well, Master, they're more easily provoked than you might think. But the truth is..."

"Yes?"

Blush, look modest, smile through the eyelashes.

"I'm on a diet. --Ooooh, Master, that looked painful! Let me help you up..."

[end part four]